Can life change with one question? You've heard me ask this again and again as I have created this website, my instagram, and my new Facebook page (that I get I am inundating people with posts right now as I catch up on updating.)
I keep going back to this question because I think it's been such a fundamental part of my life for longer than I ever realized.
"Do I want to quit school and get married in Vegas?"
"Do I get divorced?"
"Do I move to Seattle?"
"Do I move with the cute guy I just started dating to Hawaii?"
"Do I get married to said cute guy even though we've only been dating six months?"
"Will you marry me?
"Has my daughter's heart stopped beating?
"Am I pregnant?"
"Is he alive?"
"Do I jump off this cliff and own my gift of intuition?"
Every one of us has key questions that have completely and utterly changed our lives. It's never a "yes, but..." Answer. All of these questions you will find yourself answering have very fundamental yes or no answers. They are usually scary.
"Will I ever get out of this depression?"
'Will I ever fall in love?"
"Will my health ever improve?"
I hate the fact that each one of us at one time or another will feel the sense of despair and self doubt. I wish we could all trust ourselves and God. Happy endings are not for everyone, sadly. Some of us feel like we are continuing to suffer, wave after wave hitting us, not able to make it back to shore.
Why does that happen? I've always hated hearing, "God only gives you what you can handle" because when you feel like you are drowning, the last thing you want to hear is that you can handle all of the water you taking on. "I know I can handle it, but when will I stop taking on water!" You want to shout.
That's where I want to come in. I see myself being placed as an open hand outstretched reaching for you. I see myself as the welcome life raft. I see myself as the cool drink of water when you are dying of thirst. I truly believe that God is placing me there. Each one of you that is reading this- you're meant to read this. You're meant to take i these words, reflect on it, and perhaps draw your own conclusions.
I've always believed we are exactly where we are supposed to be, even when all hell is breaking loose and I'm wondering why the hell I am being placed there.
When I was pregnant with my second child, I got news in my third trimester that would change my life. It wasn't one piece of news though. It was piece of news after piece of news. I felt like wave after wave was hitting me down.
First, we learned the baby had a heart defect. It was a major heart defect, that would take major surgery after the baby was born.
The same day, our beloved dog Koa, was to sleep halfway across the world.
A week later, my husband left on business and turned his phone off. At the same time I got a phone call. I remember right where I was. I remember the little tiny details that can only be captured when you realize your life will never be the same. The Dr that called me told me that tests had come back and that my daughter had Down Syndrome.
I stood in shock. Clear as day, a voice stronger than I have ever heard in my entire life came into my head.
"This will teach you compassion" it said.
Those waves that kept hitting? That one I just fell down unable to get up.
I stopped eating. I stopped being able to function. Remember a few days ago when I blogged about knowing we had to move, and it turned out to be for the best? Those neighbors by the new condo? They saved me.
They played with my daughter. They brought me food. They held my hand. I was never alone.
When my daughter died three weeks later, those same neighbors were there. I'll never, ever, forget the amount of compassion I was shown by the very people I had been led to move next to.
Even then, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I didn't like being there a whole lot, but God placed people in my life that I needed in my darkest hours.
Faith. (Back to that word, again.)
If we are truly where we are supposed to be, then it is my turn to be the support, love, and comfort for you. We can keep asking why we are in this space, or we can ask what can we do to help ourselves get in a better space. What can I do to help you? What question would help you move to a brighter tomorrow?
If you could know anything from the Universe or God, what would you ask?
Let me be the hand outstretched for you. It's okay to be a mess. Let's see what we can do to make things better.