The last couple of days it finally feels like Spring has decided to show herself in New England. Birds are flying in, and amphibians are waking up from peaceful slumbers. The last couple of days I have found myself walking down by the water, feeling the cold air from the Atlantic ocean, but hearing animals spring to life all around me. This path I walk is one that I have made many footprints. I have run long, hard, miles as autumn leaves fell around me. I have trudged through the cold snow bundled up from head to toe only to see my breath in front of me.
Unlike the journey I know my soul is on; this path is familiar and welcoming. It allows me to think about hard things or walk with a quiet mind. The trail lets me decide what kind of day it will be. I appreciate it's consistency when so much in life feels up in the air.
It is not that I do not trust the Universe in the journey of my soul. I only don't know where it is going. Sometimes I will get a sign, and I will be positive I know where I am headed, only to have the trail turn unexpectedly. I am constantly reminded how out of control of my destiny I really am, based on the fact that I still don't feel like I have a destination for this part of my journey. It makes me feel uneasy, as though I were watching a movie and I'm not sure where the plot is going with the storyline.
I have no choice but to continue forward, and so I go down to the shore to walk and to think. I allow myself to connect with nature and feel the ground under my feet. As a once fearful flier, I remember learning that part of why people fear flying is they don't have the sense of being grounded. One of the suggestions they give you to calm down if you feel fearful is to put your feet square on the ground of the cabin. It tricks your brain into thinking you are touching the ground and allows your fight-or-flight reaction to stop. This technique isn't just beneficial on a plane, though. Anytime you feel anxious or uneasy, just putting both feet on the ground can literally "ground you." It can be hard to remember to do this when life is harried, but the more you do it, the more those synapses in your brain will connect into tricking your mind into relaxing.
If we aren't sure where we are headed, and the Universe works best when we allow ourselves to flow with the current, what the heck can we do, besides relax? For me, it's frustrating. I want to flow with life, but at the same time, I feel like I am waiting. One of the adages in the military community that spouses and partners hear often is, "Hurry up and Wait." John Lennon was on to something when he sang "life is what happens when you are making other plans." it's true. As I sit writing, my dogs sleep peacefully downstairs. A few miles away my son is probably getting ready to have lunch at preschool, and my daughter is with her friends in the school cafeteria. The life I created is still buzzing around me, but my narrow focus on "waiting" doesn't allow me to see it.
The truth of the matter is, I've always been a bit impatient. The real moments of joy for me have been at the start of journeys. Almost a year ago, my family took a transatlantic cruise across the ocean. I still recall the train ride down to New York City, the way the New England shoreline passed by the windows. My phone was dinging with excited text messages from my mother in law, who was on another train heading to the same destination. My husband sat across from me, one of our children on his lap. We shared a look that encompassed all of the planning that had gone into our adventure. I didn't know what was ahead for us on the trip, but there was joy in the journey.
Perhaps that is what I am missing now: feeling the joy of the journey I am currently on. I can't see a big adventure I am admittedly on, but I see a beautiful life passing by me. I have a spouse who takes solace in being next to me and trusts my big ideas I tend to bring forth to our family. My children bring their perspective with wherever we are going. For the longest time after we got back from our trip last year, my then-three-year-old would yell, "Mind the gap!" as we went anywhere. They embrace and trust the adventure we are on.
I need to do more to embrace where I currently am. Not because I feel like I have to, but because I can't allow the river to flow if I'm protesting the speed. I don't want to, "hurry and wait." I want to enjoy where I am right now. It's hard to do because I tend to take myself so seriously. I tend to have the most fun when I let go of who I am supposed to be: as a mother, as a wife- and be who I am.
I may be a psychic medium, but when I'm not focusing on connecting or writing, I'm incredibly goofy. I'm the first one to hit the dance floor, and I find delight in cooking a dessert I saw on "the Great British Bake Off." I have been graced by friendships that have formed because of one-question, and I am always down for a road trip. For me, life is one that should be lived because we are all here for a reason. While we are waiting for adventures to start, we might as well have fun with those around us.
I encourage you to find your piece of humor and light today. It's frustrating while we wait for things to start, or continue, or end. We will always be waiting for things. If we sit and wait, we stop other beautiful things from occurring that might help us out on the quest ahead. I'm okay where I am at on this voyage. I trust the Universe is taking me somewhere. In the meantime, I'm going to find wonder in the ride.