If I were doing a reading with you and I felt like there was something wrong with your kidneys,
what would you do?
Would you accept an appointment in two months with the top specialist in the area?
would you immediately call your primary care doctor and demand they run every test in the book to figure out what is wrong?
99% of us would choose the latter option. We wouldn't want to wait the extra time once we heard that there was something wrong. Our body's instinct for survival would take over. Adrenaline would rush through as our body went into a "fight or flight" mode and we tried to figure out what was going on and what we could do to fix it.
The Universe knows better than us, though. Sometimes during a reading, I'll receive incorrect information because God knows if I gave it to you now, something different would play out. Perhaps the pieces aren't in place yet for a support system, or maybe you do need to see that top specialist- whatever the reason, I receive the wrong information and because of this you actually benefit.
I know this because a similar instance played out in my life a couple of months ago before one-question.net was even a glimmer in my eye. I was speaking to my mentor who, as a fellow psychic, I would run things by her and discuss my intuitive abilities. During our chat, I mentioned to her I'd had a weird pain, but Dr's kept passing it off.
"It's just stress," she told me.
As an afterthought, she added, "It'll get better."
The assurance comforted me, and we resumed chatting and catching up on each other's lives.
A few weeks later fighting a cold that wasn't going away, I headed in to see my primary care doctor. Dr. D is an old-school doctor whom, when I was first assigned to after my previous Dr left the practice, wasn't sure that I liked. His easy-going manner and relaxed attitude soon won me over though, and I respected his opinion.
After deciding that my cold was probably more of a sinus infection, he was putting the order for antibiotics when I threw out the weird pain I had been having.
He stopped typing and listened to me as I described the pain and how frightening it was.
He typed in a few things on the keyboard as he viewed some past results.
"I'm seeing a new specialist. I want you to see this person, too." He said, scribbling the Dr's name on a piece of paper.
Later that day, I promptly called the specialist's office, only to be told there was a two-in-a half month waiting list. "Would you like to see someone else in practice?" they asked.
"No," I said adamantly.
"Dr. D wants me to see Dr. X. I'll take the next available."
I had no idea that my life would do a 180-degree turn during the two in a half months that followed waiting for the appointment. I founded one-question.net, started going back to my Unitarian Universalist church, and started making friends that became MY tribe. I also turned my eating habits around: cutting out sugar, dairy, legumes, grains, and alcohol. Every so often I'd look at the calendar and see the specialist's appointment date slowly creeping closer and closer. I tried to put it out of my mind. It was out of my hands, and I had to practice what I preached.
A couple of weeks ago, something odd happened that let me know that God was watching out for me. I happened to be in my backyard when my rarely-seen neighbor stepped out into her yard, a few feet away. We exchanged pleasantries. For whatever reason, I mentioned to her that I hadn't had coffee yet. She responded back that because of a medical condition, she hadn't had coffee in twenty years. I "wowed" in amazement and asked her why. She proceeded to tell me the story of a health challenge that happened when she was only a few years older than I am now. Her symptoms were similar to the ones I was currently having, and my ears perked up with curiosity. I didn't mention I shared her symptoms, but I wondered if God had sent her outside that day.
Finally, the day for the appointment arrived. Although I told myself I was trusting the Universe, my body said otherwise. I became nauseated, and I couldn't concentrate on anything besides waiting for my appointment. Deep down inside, I knew something was seriously wrong- despite what my mentor had told me. I was worried Dr. X wouldn't validate my concerns and pass off my pain as anxiety, the way other doctors had in the past.
As I often do in times of anxiety, I talked to God. I admitted I was scared. God provided comfort for me in the form of a friend- who just happened to be nursing a sick kid at home instead of at work. My friend K and I talked, and I let all of my fears come out. She listened, supported, and validated what I was going through. It was just the push I needed to walk through the Specialist's doors and fill out the "new patient paperwork." I had to believe that the Universe wouldn't just leave me hanging here- and regardless of what happened during the appointment, it was the way it was supposed to be.
Within ten seconds of listening to my body, the specialist found things that other doctor's had missed in the past, which immediately earned my trust. We talked about the scary pain I had been having. He instructed me to keep eating clean but told me I could start to run again- the one thing I hadn't allowed myself to do since the last incidence of pain. He ordered a full work-up and put a rush on tests. What we were looking at was scary, and it just so happened that of the possible outcomes "happened" to be the very thing my neighbor had gone through twenty-years prior.
There are no coincidences.
I left the office terrified. My trust in the Universe had somehow vanished in the thirty minutes I was in the appointment.
"What has changed?" my husband asked me when I got home and told him the news.
"Well, now we know what is probably causing this" I answered back, confused at where he was going with his question.
"Your body hasn't changed. The only difference is, now we are getting answers. That's it." My husband finished his statement enveloping me in a big bear hug.
My husband was right, but it didn't stop my fear.
"It's okay to admit you're afraid" my therapist S. told me the next day at my appointment. "You can still trust the Universe and acknowledge you are feeling a normal emotion."
I thought about what the therapist S. said. I was so busy trying to "trust" that I hadn't acknowledged what I was feeling. I was suppressing it, and it was only making it worse. It's hard as a psychic medium because every single reading, I ask you to trust in God. I tell you that you need to have faith, and that fear only puts walls up. Here I was doing the exact thing I say all of you not to do.
Despite being able to read people and communicate with those no longer with us, I am first and foremost, human. It doesn't make me immune to freaking out over medical diagnoses. I trust God, but I also lock my car. This situation is no different.
When I lost my daughter P, I remember reveling in the fact that I had been set up in the best support system a family could want in that tragic situation. I had neighbors a stone throw away that would take my oldest, and friends that would show up at the door to take me out for runs. The tragedy happened at the most opportune time for support.
This morning in the shower (I do my best thinking in the shower) I realized that nothing that was happening now was a coincidence. My neighbor randomly mentioning to me her health challenge, the strong friendships that have grown in the last couple of months, the business I have started, the psychic friend who "didn't see" what the Dr found in mere seconds. The Universe is lining me up for this next challenge. As I came to this realization, all of my fear melted away. The "trust" that I tell so many of you to have in God, I actually felt. It's like a feeling of peace has transcended over me that forty-eight hours ago I didn't have.
If my intuitive friend had told me back in January what we now know about my health, I would have run to my doctor- but I wouldn't have the relief system in place for what might occur. I wouldn't have had the tools nor the faith, and it would have been much harder to handle.
Faith is not something you can "have." You have to feel it, deep in your soul. It's a knowingness that the life ahead may be bumpy, but you can handle the ride. While I have NO CLUE what might happen with my health from here, I know that I have the right doctor in place to figure it out.
Every person and every situation is put in on your path for a reason. We can fight the road we are on and freak out about the rocks in the way, or we can change our thought patterns. Instead of thinking, "the rocks are in the way," think about what the rocks can teach you about your journey. Could they teach you about humility? Empathy? Patience?
What are the obstacles on your journey teaching you?
I'll have the answers soon as to how big this rock on my path is. Regardless of its size, I know that the Universe has my back. I am grateful for exactly where I am on my journey.