I have a confession to make:
I have no idea what in the world I am doing.
I didn't go to business school. I got a "D" in Accounting in college. The highlight of my writing experience was working on my high school newspaper 20 years ago.
I was never interested in business. My husband still handles the finances. The only thing I keep track of is my credit card and when preschool tuition is due. That sums up my experience. I'm not a good example of a feminist when it comes to finances. Warton definitely isn't offering me a scholarship.
Regardless, here I am: keeping track of income and expenditures, writing, offering services as a psychic medium.
I'm honestly not sure how I'm doing it.
I kind of think there should be a cautionary note before you book with me for a reading or a question:
"Does not know how much her car payment is, switched majors five times in college. Take advice at your own risk."
When I read you or answer a question, another person comes out. I'm no longer,
"Nancy, the person that once was a mascot for a now-defunct-indoor-soccer league" but,
"Nancy, your Psychic Medium. Ready to receive any or all guidance from God and the Universe and pass it on to you."
I allow the Universe to flow through me, and it does. I turn my brain off- the one that worries if she is going to lose her ability to sense right before she answers you. Or, the one that five minutes before was reminding her nine-year-old to pick up her clothes off the floor and also "might have been" raising her voice a little.
All of that seems to melt away. I become my ideal self. I am confident, and one that trusts that God and the Universe are in cahoots. I believe that the answers you are asking I will be able to receive.
I don't understand why someone like me would have such a gift. So many times I have felt like saying,
"God? You know I scream at my kids, right?"
I haven't been the kindest person in life. I've been mean, even malicious. I've been cruel. (Never to animals, but when people used to make me mad, watch out!)
Why in the world would the Universe choose someone so flawed, so imperfect, with the ability to read other's deepest fears and desires?
Good thing it's not up to me to make those decisions, because if there were a line-up of generous people for this ability, I wouldn't make the cut.
I promise you, if my character were in a movie, you wouldn't root for me to have a happy ending.
It's hard to understand the part that I am starting to play. It's a part I didn't ever see myself playing. The more I do, the more it feels natural.
For the first time in my life, I feel genuine. It extends to my writing, my personality, and my truth.
As I have allowed my true self to come out, something interesting has happened: that angry mom that used to yell at her kids or her husband has disappeared. I've somehow found patience where before I was missing it. The woman who didn't think she had anything valuable to say has morphed into someone self-assured and confident. The girl that never managed money very well is writing detailed reports of her earnings.
As I let go of the person I was supposed to be, I became who I was meant to be.
When we think the worst of ourselves, we broadcast it out to the world on a huge billboard. Other people will believe it not because they are unkind, but because that is the message we are sending them. If I tell you I am something, you will think it until I prove you otherwise.
It isn't about proving anything, though. I didn't set out to "prove" I was a psychic medium. I just wanted to help people like myself. I'm not making up for mistakes I have made nor words I have said. I believe that every single decision I have made in my life has had a purpose and a reason. Every mistake I have made has led me right here. It has allowed me to have empathy for those that others wouldn't consider worthy of such.
I may not be the character you'd be rooting for in a movie, but aren't the supporting characters the most interesting? We could all find a villain, a supporting role, and a super-heroine in all of us. Sometimes these parts we play last for years. It's okay to play a bridesmaid for the fifth time in a row, or the lovable sidekick. It doesn't mean that you won't transition later into the leading part. It just says that right now, this is the part you are playing. The great thing about this is that life is always changing. We are ever-growing, no matter what role we are playing.
Right now, I am playing the part of a supporting cast member to a lot of leading characters. The funny thing is, my clients don't know they are in a leading role. I support them with the guidance of God. The Universe speaks to them with words only they find significant, and then something unusual happens. After a session, they seem to open their eyes. They become the leading character they were meant to be.
In the past, I may not have lived the most honorable life or been the best friend I could have been. Every single time I can use my psychic ability, I feel myself healing from my own mistakes. I forgive myself for past situations. Every person I come in contact with makes me better
Do not allow yourself to accept that because you got a "D" in something twenty years ago stop you from living your dream. Do not let other's doubts affect your own. You will be your own worst enemy, acknowledge it, then push that thought to the curve.
I still have no idea what I'm doing.
But, I have my head held high, the Universe is in charge.