It's the first day of Spring, and even though temperatures are in the thirties, the sun is shining.
I'll take it.
Last year on this day we were bracing for over a foot of snow. And the year before that, and the year before that one as well. If I think about it, this is the first year in many that we haven't had snow on the Spring Equinox, and for that I am grateful.
In ancient times, Pagans celebrated the Spring Equinox with the holiday known as, "Ostara" (or "Eostre") they believed this was a time of growth and fertility. People would plant seeds, paint eggs, and go for walks on Ostara as they honored the "Goddess of the Spring" To this day, Pagans and Wiccans believe in Spring is a time of renewal. If Winter was meant for you to work on the difficult parts of yourself, Spring is when you saw it grow into fruition.
I feel a certain irony this year with the meanings behind both the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox. During the cold, dark, Winter, I faced deep parts of myself that I hadn't wanted to uncover before. It was uncomfortable, it was emotional, and it was work. As Spring approaches, I am still working through deep emotions, but I also find myself healed in many ways. The memories I was able to work through have now scabbed up, and are merely scars. Because I have been able to work through certain emotions, it has given me room to now- grow. There is a beauty in feeling yourself start to sprout up from the hard earth, whereas in the past you were not strong enough to break through. It makes me feel like a lighter person and me to give more of myself to others.
I picture a single, green, seedling, popping out of the ground. Its roots are deep into the ground, and while it doesn't look solid from on top of the soil, it is indeed, secured below.
What is holding you deep into the ground? What qualities do you have that you have secured?
For me, I am self-assured. Up until a few months ago, I put a lot more care into what others thought about me. I was worried my "secret" of being a psychic medium would get out, and I was terrified of the judgment. Now though, I realize the only person I need to be okay with, is myself. If and when someone has an issue with my gift, it says more about them than it says about me. I believe in myself.
I also know that I am on the right path. It is difficult, and I am still fighting my way a bit when the Universe changes plans, but I trust in those plans. I don't think I've ever been able to say that with as much conviction as I have now. I was always so afraid of my gift and my anxieties. I didn't understand what it all meant. Over the Winter, I realized I don't have to understand what it all means to accept it. I receive my path and all of the twists and turns it will inevitably bring. I trust that God will put the right people on my track to assist me when the path becomes rockier.
Those two qualities keep me centered as I know through Spring, growth will occur. Just as the crocus pushes up from the ground only to bloom, so will we too, bloom. It is only a matter of time. The question is, how much will we grow? It is up to us as individuals to decide how much and what growth will occur.
Understand that growth only happens when you work through the hard stuff. If you are avoiding dealing with any emotion or event in your life, your growth will stunt. I was tired of attempting to think with a glass-half-full mentality but not living it. I had to understand that my fears and anxieties were holding me back from my potential. That's a rough realization, and I'm still working through it.
You get to a point in your life where so many fears, doubts, insecurities, and memories are pilled up like a load of laundry waiting to be sorted through. It's overwhelming to know where to start first, and so many times I have just turned my back on trying. It wasn't that I didn't want to work through things; I just had no idea how.
Writing has helped. Therapy has helped as well. The act of being vulnerable also allows me to heal, ever so slowly. I find myself during readings identifying qualities in other people that I have myself. When I remind you to keep pushing through, I have the beautiful opportunity of also telling myself to push through.
Almost two months ago I received a message from someone who was very, very, lost. This woman had found my website and blog and then contacted me for an in-person reading. As soon as we sat down, I saw myself in her. She had doubts, she over-thought things, and she gave energy to the wrong people- just like I did. We ended up talking for over three hours. By the end of the reading, it was apparent we were meant to be friends. I felt a kinship with her that I hadn't known I was searching to find. Through our blossoming friendship, we have helped each other deal with emotions and long-held beliefs. We have both grown with the help of each other.
The right kind of friends can help you work through that big pile of laundry that is your life. Sometimes it's just nice to have someone to vent to, other times they can give you a different perspective. It helps to have others to lean on when we feel like we are not making progress.
This Spring, I hope you can break through the ground. I pray that you recognize your light and shine it on others. I hope that the warm sun inspires you to bloom into the person you are meant to be.